Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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