Tell her she can't have a vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
