If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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