Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
