my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
