btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
