There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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