i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you never un-have a 4some
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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