i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
