i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
