I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
