I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
