That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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