i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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