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• (510): View more from California

  The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're a good friend.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"

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• (310): View more from California

  It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.

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• (619): View more from California

  I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.

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