now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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