I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
