DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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