no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
