some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
