I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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