Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sober January is a disaster.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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