I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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