I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
