I feel like I'm in dance class right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
