Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
