Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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