Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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