My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
