New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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