if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
