The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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