I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
