Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
