I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
