I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
