I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
