martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
