I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
