that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
