i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
