last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
