Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
