he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
