I'm so fucking centered right now
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
