it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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