i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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