Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
