If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
