Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
