i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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