We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
